He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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