my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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