I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.