i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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