I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
