Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
