How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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