Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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