My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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