addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
