So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
