Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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