you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
