oh god the rape fog is back!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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