i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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