I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
