he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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