he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
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I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
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