Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
