oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
