He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
