it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have feelings that need drinking.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
