sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
