how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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