HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize