maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
