happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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