I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
