let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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