so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
