he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The struggles of a small town man whore
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
