you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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