I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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