Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
