pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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