In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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