Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
