the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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