So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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