i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
