Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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