i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
