Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
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she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
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