Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
