then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
