Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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