I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
