I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
