wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
