he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
