Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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