Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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