I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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