Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
