Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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