Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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