I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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