I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
