Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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