I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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