so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had sex on a roof
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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